


The Escapades of the Blind Bandit and Meathead: Proven Superiority

by ArtemisRae



Series: Escapades of the Blind Bandit and Meathead [10]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Drunkenness, Gen, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-21
Updated: 2007-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-03 19:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisRae/pseuds/ArtemisRae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A simple festival in Kyoshi gets completely out of hand. Sokka finds himself ganged up on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Escapades of the Blind Bandit and Meathead: Proven Superiority

**Author's Note:**

> I sort of wrote this to flip off all the people who kept writing about how Suki was dead after Appa's Last Days.

* * *

Kyoshi this time a year was a beautiful thing. 

Sokka nodded with satisfaction, reclining as best as he could, turning on the little bench he was sitting on so he could lean against the table behind him and watch the proceedings with satisfaction. On his right was Suki, dressed in full Kyoshi warrior regalia, the green skirt folded demurely at her knees and gold fans glinting at her hips in the dull light. On his left was Toph, who'd managed to recapture the basics of her Blind Bandit uniform from a Kyoshi uniform, with one notable exception: she was wearing Suki's brass headdress. It sat awkwardly atop her pulled-up hair, but she didn't seem to mind as she swung her feet and took a deep drink from the stein she was nursing.

Oh sure, there were brilliantly colored trees and bright, strange fruits and the coast looked frighteningly beautiful even without the Unagi. The landscape was secondary to the girls.

Naturally, Sokka had jumped at the chance when Aang had asked Sokka and Toph to accompany him and Katara to the Festival of Kyoshi, the annual feast in honor of the harvest and Kyoshi's birthday. Though it was one of the little "public duties" Aang often performed as Avatar, Sokka knew Aang saw it as something of a little vacation; Kyoshi had long been close to his heart, and not only because of the ever growing fan club that resided there – which, oddly, had not been put off in the least by Aang's betrothal to Katara, much to her dismay.

As if summoned, his sister appeared in front of him at that moment, wringing her hands with a worried look upon her face.

"You haven't seen Aang, have you?" she asked anxiously, her eyes darting through the room, looking for the familiar blue arrow. "Oyajii keeps refilling his wine and you know how he gets…"

"Will he be okay?" Suki asked, sitting up a bit straighter at Katara's worried tone.

"Oh, yes!" Katara insisted, waving her hands in a placating manner and convincing absolutely no one of her sincerity. Drawing on years of using delicate language to help manage world affairs, she added, "He's just not that good at holding his liquor –"

"The Avatar is an absolute lightweight," Toph interjected, tipping her glass at Suki and taking another sip. "And I think I sense Twinkletoes outside, Katara, but the vibrations are faint."

"Thank you," Katara gushed, pathetically grateful as she turned tail and headed for the doorway, clearly intent on preventing Aang from airbending drunk. Or firebending. Or pretty much doing anything in general except for talking, and even that was risky territory.

"I saw him earlier and thought he was awfully drunk for that early in the evening…" Suki mused out loud. "I wonder how much he's had to drink."

"Probably not much." Sokka shrugged. "It always hits him right away."

"Like that time at my parent's house," Toph said, a nostalgic look on her face.

"Or at the Winter Solstice in the North Pole," Sokka added.

"Or the Summer Solstice in the Fire Nation capital."

"Or his birthday in Ba Sing Se last year.'

For a moment they sat there and reflected upon the lightweight Avatar until Suki broke the silence. "So… he's going to be hurting tomorrow.'

"Oh yeah."

"One time," Suki half-murmured, her index finger circling the lip of her own mug, "The girls and I got into a big drinking contest the night before an early practice, and our leader found out about it and woke us up early and made us spar twice as long that day. I don't think I've ever been so sick before."

Her mind was still far away, remembering, and missed completely the interested looks on Sokka and Toph's faces. "Who won?" Sokka prompted, when Suki appeared to have no intention of continuing the story.

Suki shot him an insulted look. "Me, of course."

"That's the way to do it!" Toph said approvingly. "I beat Sokka here all the time."

"Not all the time!" Sokka protested, instantly affronted.

"Most of the time," Toph amended. "I usually win."

"Not always!"

The pair continued arguing while Suki eyed them, considering the blind girl's words. Despite several years of post-war growth, she was still a good half-foot shorter than Sokka, and even with her toned muscles (clearly from strenuous earthbending) she was still a slight, skinny thing. If it wouldn't have resulted in the immediate removal of her teeth, she might have even called the earthbender cute, or sweet.

"Then explain why I always have to pay the tab at the Cranky Dragon, Meathead!" Toph yelled next to him. For a moment Sokka was flabbergasted, mouthing for words in the face of his astonishment, and Toph continued, "It's because you always pass out before last call-"

"No, it's because I'm always _arrested_ by last call!" Sokka interjected hotly. Suki looked alarmed at these words, and Sokka scrambled to clarify, "There are always extenuating circumstances-"

"Look, if you want to argue about it, then back it up!" Toph demanded, slapping her open palm down onto the wooden table. "Let's go, right now!"

"What?!" Sokka was aghast, but Toph barreled right on past him.

"Suki, do you want in on this?"

For a moment Suki considered warily, and then a wicked grin grew on her face. "Loser has to clean Appa's ears?"

The three of them exchanged glances, and then as one signaled a waiter.

Four or five rounds later found them on more-or-less equal footing – Toph was the only one who was still standing steadily, but Sokka and Suki weren't slurring their words nearly as badly – and it was then that a terrible miscarriage of justice was discovered.

It was this deeply unfair advantage that found Toph, Sokka, and Suki in the warriors' training house sometime after midnight. All three had their arms crossed; Sokka defensively, Toph stubbornly, and Suki for balance.

"It's only fair Meathead," the Kyoshi warrior said, taking advantage of the fact that Toph had given her permission to use the nickname. "Toph and I are walking around here in skirts, and so should you."

"Absolutely not." Sokka shook his head firmly, then looked for the wine skins they'd snuck out of the feast hall when they'd dragged Sokka off to the training grounds.

"Sokka!" Suki protested uselessly, but Toph held up a hand, silencing Suki.

"I'll take care of this," she whispered out of the side of her mouth, then turned to Sokka.

"Hey Sokka!" Toph shouted in her best imitation of a drill sergeant. Suki found she was standing a bit straighter despite herself, then abruptly regretted it when the tiny bit of movement made the room tilt. Sokka snapped to attention.

"Do you want to prove your superiority to me and Suki?" she demanded, stalking right up to him and somehow managing to both make eye contact and look down her nose at him at the same time.

"I don't need to prove anything-" Sokka started to argue, but Toph just shook her head and repeated her question.

"_I said_, do you want to prove your superiority to me and Suki?" Suki found herself cringing and wondering if Toph would wake up the nearest households with her yelling.

"Yes!" Sokka shouted back. "Yes I do! Once and for all!"

"_Then be a man_," Toph bellowed, "_And get into the dress_!"

The result was instantaneous. Sokka started scrambling with his tunic and reaching for the skirt. Toph turned back to Suki with a satisfied smirk upon her face and reached for the wine skin.

* * *

There were worse things then lugging home a drunk Avatar, but Katara was hard-pressed to think of them as she tried to maneuver Aang up the wooden steps into Suki's home, intent on pushing him into bed fully clothed and collapsing into her own bed – they weren't officially married yet, and Suki's father had insisted that she bunk with the girls.

When they reached Aang's bedroom door, however, he wrapped his arms around her, kissed her firmly in the middle of the forehead, and slurred, "M'okay now, go t'bed."

"Are you sure?" Katara raised an eyebrow, but Aang merely waved a hand and opened the door, staggering into the frame but clearly heading towards his bed. With a sigh Katara pulled the door shut behind him and decided to get a drink of water before going to bed herself.

Padding down the hallway to the kitchen, she was too busy muttering veiled threats towards Oyajii and his never-ending flow of alcohol to notice immediately when Aang reappeared in the doorway, clearly looking for her.

"K'tara," Aang called, appearing genuinely distressed. "There's a girl in my bed can I sleep with you?"

"What?!" Katara cried, slamming her cup down onto the counter. Honestly, she knew Aang had some enthusiastic fans in Kyoshi, but lying in wait for him in his own bed was crossing the line.

Stalking back to the bedroom, Katara slammed open the door, fully intent on giving Koko or Kiki or Luli or whichever girl it was this time a piece of her mind –

\- and instead stopped short when she realized she recognized the girl sleeping in Aang's bed.

"Aang," she called, gesturing him into the room. For a moment Aang hid behind the doorway before Katara beckoned him again. "Just come sleep in Sokka's bed, it's okay. Don't worry about her."

She got Aang settled – his eyes slid shut almost the second his head hit the pillow – and then excused herself, standing against the door for a moment and eyeing the one across the hall where she knew an explanation lay.

Cracking it open, she found exactly what she had suspected: Suki and Toph were laying sideways across Suki's bed, both still awake, but just barely. Suki was in her normal makeup, as Sokka had been, but when they'd applied Toph's makeup someone – Sokka, certainly – had drawn a water symbol in the middle of the blind girl's forehead in black. Toph would kill him if she ever found out, but at the moment she seemed almost cheerful, grinning and waving at Katara as she crossed her arms and shook her head at the pair.

"Want to explain what happened to Sokka?"

Suki looked at Toph, who tilted her head in the direction of the warrior, and then shrugged. "He won."

The explanation sent Toph and Suki back into a wave of giggles – and then groans as the inebriation kicked back in – and Katara merely sighed and started to prepare herself for bed.

"I can tell you're mad," Toph said, speaking way too loudly for the time of night, especially considering when Katara was literally two feet away from her. "But really you should be thankful."

"And why is that?" Katara snapped, just irritated with the drunk people all around her.

Suki giggled again, and Toph barely kept her own mirth from spilling over. "After tonight I'm willing to bet some of the girl's in Aang's fan club have defected."

"I don't want to know," Katara informed the two, rolling over and pulling the covers over her head.

Suki continued anyway. "Sokka makes a very handsome woman."

Katara fell asleep with their giggles ringing in her ears.

* * *


End file.
